Haunted by ghosts I didn’t summon
A lingering taste, sour and numbing
Oh so numbing
Each day has potential
to snap back to days past
One word, one sentence, one conversation
One image
Ghosts that hide in my bones,
shaking and trembling
(I reach through to you however I can)
Possess all I have left,
brain and body no longer mine
I wish to be free of this cold
this lack of sense, lack of sight
they’ve trapped me in
Looking forward, unblinking, like the blind
Blind only to the present I’m missing
for they only see the past
Only telling me such things I used to forget
Fight, Flight
Freeze
Freeze my eyes and tongue
Brain and body no longer mine
No matter how much I hate,
I can’t escape the Haunting Numb
Author’s Note:
I’ve let myself heal a bit from my past, and I’m able to at least talk about alcohol without shutting down. When I first had a lesson on the effects of alcohol in my high-school health class, there was no issue for me, until my friends and partner began talking about their own experiences with it. It was painful to imagine those people in the same way that I’ve had to see adults in my life, and I found myself completely unable to think or speak for the rest of the day because of my imagination. This poem is about how trauma can manifest when you least expect it, and how you least expect it.
Eleanor Winter | 16 | Endwell, NY | @elgek05 on TikTok & @elgek0 on Instagram
