Growing up in my Indian household, especially as a girl meant only one thing, my whole life has been planned out by your parents. Influencing every decision including the ones which I was supposed to figure out on my own. That’s how my life was until one day I realized that I can be my own person, doing the stuff that makes me happy instead of doing it for the “society.” For a really long time, I was doing things that made other people happy while neglecting my own wishes. I thought growing up meant doing stuff that offers stability in your life, if it meant costing you your identity.
When I started my freshman year of high school in a new country, that’s when it started to hit me, all at once. “How am I going to fit here?” “If I study a lot, the popular girls might think that I’m showing off.” I used to spend my entire day at school analyzing each and every thing I did, until I started to care more about other people’s opinions rather than acting on my own. As an introvert myself, I desperately tried to fit in; I lost the extra weight, got a new haircut, and learned more about fashion so I wouldn’t look like a dork. I often and sometimes still do, envy some of my peers about how they seemed to have everything figured out, their priorities, their confidence, and somehow getting all the boys’ attention.
At a point, I was lost in a sea of figuring out what I had to do instead of what I wanted. Days passed by but I wasn’t the same person as before. I was now trying to dress to impress the boys, thinking hopefully someone might notice me. But one day, I stood in front of my mirror and looked at myself for a while. I stood there, wondering what was so wrong with being myself that I kept trying to change it. I asked myself, “Am I doing this because I love it or because that’s what I’m expected to do?” Slowly, I began unlearning the habits that drained my energy and started focusing on things that made me happy and I will repeat it again: making ME happy and not anyone else, such as learning new skills like painting or drawing portraits. The most important thing that I realized that I didn’t need to become someone else to be worthy. I am enough. I matter. And I continue to grow into a version of myself that feels authentic and true.
Little did I know back then that the girls to whom I was comparing myself didn’t live perfect lives themselves. They had their own battles that they were fighting themselves but somehow managed to put on a brave face to school every day. I couldn’t have guessed it until I talked to one of my closest friends who was not only pretty but as well as popular. At first, you may see her as one of the brightest pupils in the class but she is one of the strongest people I’ve ever known. Even though she put on a show in front of everyone, she was struggling from inside. That made me overlook the fact that popular girls are absolutely perfect and have everything figured out, but in reality no one does. You may have a certain aim to accomplish in your future, but its impossible to know for sure that you are going to end up doing it in the next 5 years. What makes me say that is, life is not always going to work out in the way that you want. There are going to be setbacks and failures which may make you doubt yourself and rethink an entire new path for yourself. Either way, not having your future planned out is okay. It doesn’t mean you are lazy or dumb but it means that you are human and figuring yourself out and that’s totally a normal thing to do.
By the time, I was a junior, I felt left out because I had to do homeschooling due to personal challenges. Upon seeing my classmates, I often felt that everyone was moving forward with their lives and I felt that I was the only one who didn’t experience the joy of being with friends in school, parties and school events. Eventually, I got sick of comparing myself to my friends and realized that focusing on the sad parts would make me overlook the pros of being homeschooled such as getting all the time in the world to discover a new passion such as painting. Trust me, I’m no expert at it but it’s something that helped me to relax my nerves. Listening to music helped me to pass the extra time I had when I was bored out of my mind. Sometimes, I would step outside my house, to get a glimpse of the city around me and exploring new corners where I usually had a cup of coffee by myself. Yep, that’s right. I spend at least 2 days in a month, going out alone and getting to know myself better while having a blast of a time. I know many people would think that’s boring but trust me it’s not. In fact, you may end up surprising yourself doing stuff which you once thought that was impossible.
In my opinion, girlhood isn’t about having this perfect lifestyle rather, it’s more about how we perceive ourselves and how we can improve ourselves as we move further. It’s about looking upon your own imperfections and still thinking it is who you are, and that makes you unique. It’s alright if you don’t have your future aligned like the others; it’s ok if you are not the most popular or the prettiest. Trust me, it’s more about learning to enjoy your own company and grow at your own pace. And I am still growing into myself and maybe that’s the most beautiful part of all.
Author’s Note
This piece is about how I was a shy kid and how I was scared to take opportunities, and now I do. It is basically my life story ever since I moved to India.
About Author
Hi! My name is Mariyah Farooqui, and I’m a Class 12 CBSE student from Hyderabad, India, with a strong interest in architecture, interior design, technology, and business. I’ve always been fascinated by how spaces are designed and how they influence the way people live, think, and interact.
Alongside exploring architecture through sketches, 3D visualizations, design projects, and an interior design internship, I’ve also developed an interest in artificial intelligence and its real-world applications. I’ve worked on projects exploring how generative AI can improve student productivity, built websites, and written articles about technology and design. My independent research project, Designing Justice: A Community Architecture Study, explores how thoughtful architectural and urban design can promote social justice, inclusivity, and women’s safety in public spaces.
I enjoy learning across different fields, experimenting with new ideas, and finding creative solutions to real-world problems. I hope to pursue architecture while exploring how technology, sustainability, and human-centered design can come together to create meaningful spaces and improve people’s lives.
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